I don't know,

That itch that never seems to disappear. Those choices that eat away at my soul. This pain that never fades.
Make it go away, please.

Some AFI lyrics tha I've always liked.

Open my eyes as I submerge and I won't deny what I've been since birth.
I'll die drowned by your standards.
Breathe in the life of the summmer's death as the orange and red breathe their first breath,
so welcome as they're burning through. We all begin to burn.
Autumn's flame dance's in my eyes Set alight for all we've learned.
My ashes falling. My skin is singed but it heals my heart and with glowing pride I'll wear my scars.
I'm honored by your hatred. Leaves fall we arise again, and the end impending, it will begin.
So welcome as it's burning through. Ashes fall and I'm rising up again.
Ashes fall. Ashes fall. Ashes fall as we all arise.

June 6, 2009

My life seems to finally be taking a turn for the better. Much, much better. Today was perfect, because of her. I just want to say that I think she is the one to make my depression go away. For good.

"My own love story"

I'm just sitting down for a few minutes, with the desire to get out some feelings. If I like this, I'll continue it later.

I fought my way through the rain drops, your face was all I could see. The memory of your warm embrace, was all that could keep me going through the disasters. Time and time again, I thought I could go on no farther, only to think of you and pick myself back up, over and over again. I had decided long ago that nothing would stop me from completing my journey. Even as others words beat down upon me, telling me to give up, that you are not worth this, I knew all along just how wrong they are and always will be. You are worth every ounce of pain that could ever be inflicted upon me, and that pain will never stop me from needing you.

You feel the pain tearing you. On your knees, you question "Why me? Why now?" But I fight through the harsh world to lift you to your feet, clearing the clouds and showing you the beautiful sunrise. The sunrise, upon you and I.

I don't know what I'm waiting for..

I'm sick of being single. I'm sick of not having someone that gets slightly jealous when I hang out with other girls. I'm sick of not having someone that's always there to hold me when my depression hits.

But then on the other hand,

I'm sick of trusting, just to get walked all over. I'm sick of excuses. I'm sick of thinking she was the one, only to find out that I wasn't even the only one.

This is my rant on American Idol.

I know I'm nearly a week late posting this, but better late than never, eh?

Honestly though, what's going on? How did Kris win? To any open-minded human-being, it's obvious Adam is far more talented.

Wanna know how it happened? Because our country is full of hypocritical, homophobic, close-minded, religious freaks. I don't think Adam is gay, but even if he is, I would still have voted for him. American Idol is a contest about singing and performing talents, not about how you feel about a contestant's sexual orientation.

Listen to this, guys. Out of the ninety-eight million votes cast, thirty-eight million came from Arkansas. Do tell, how a state with a population of well under three million can cast that many votes in four hours.

Because the bible-belt religious fanatics are such extreme homophobes, they used machines that call the same number repeatedly. As soon as the vote was cast, the machine would hang-up and call again.

Now don't get me wrong, Kris Allen is an extremely talented vocalist. I have no doubt he will lead a successful career in the music industry. However, the fact remains that Adam Lambert is more deserving on the crown. Before I saw Adam sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" at his audition, I would have preferred to castrate myself that to watch American Idol. But his amazing talent and attitude, combined with the friendly, confident aurora he gives off,I was hooked.

For any of you who didn't watch and Idol this season and don't know why I'm making such a fuss about an Idol runner-up, do me a favor. Go watch Adam's performance or "One" by U2, "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin, and his duet with Allison of "Slow Ride" by Foghat. You will understand exactly why I am so sure that Adam deserved that trophy.

To close my rant, I would like to say that I cannot wait for the day that Adam Lambert goes multi-platinum, and comes to sing in front of a sold-out crowd, in Arkansas. I have no doubt it will happen, and it is only a matter of when.

Many thanks for spending your time reading this.

GO ADAM!

Felt like typing something up.

Sometimes I wonder just what I'm living for. I go day after day after day trying to make others happy, or living just to find out what's going on with my favorite band. Is any of that really worth living for?

Or is it just something I made up to make myself want to stay here?

I have no idea.